Sermons & Stories

This week’s Torah portion, parshat Emor, details who can and who cannot become a priest and it states: “asher yih’yeh vo mum – that anyone with a blemish or defect,” cannot be a priest who offers a sacrifice (Lev 21:17).

Not surprisingly, there are other verses and teachings throughout Jewish tradition that offer a very different perspective, including the line from Pirkei Avot (4:20):

אַל תִּסְתַּכֵּל בַּקַּנְקַן, אֶלָּא בְמַה שֶּׁיֶּשׁ בּוֹ

“don’t look at the container, but at that which is in it.”

That brings me to the following story…

A long time ago two rabbis from well respected Chasidic houses of Amdinov and Brezhinov make a match between their son and daughter – Chaim and Rachel. That means they’re going to get married, even though they have never met each other. You see, their towns were a great distance from one another.

That didn’t stop the preparations… It was going to be the wedding of the century! Both families went all out for the food and the decorations. Two such distinguished families didn’t make such a union every day.

And yet all Rachel knew was that Chaim was a brilliant scholar and all Chaim knew was that Rachel was generous and beautiful. To give the young couple a chance to get to know each other before the wedding, Chaim made plans to arrive two weeks early.

It would have been so simple if everything had gone as planned, but there were travel delays – trouble with the train and trouble with the carriage. Word was sent ahead it about the delay, but it was now the day of the wedding and still, no groom. Finally, the carriage arrives and Chaim slowly exits after his ordeal. When Rachel peeks out the window, however, she doesn’t see her future husband – all she can see is the defect.

It’s a horrible thing to say, but that’s what went through her mind. You see, Chaim’s leg was severely damaged since he was a boy and he walked with a severe limp. As generous as she was, all Rachel could think about was how she didn’t sign up for this. She locked herself in her room, inconsolable.

Upon learning about the situation, Chaim asks to speak to Rachel alone. He started to speak but waited patiently for her sobs to die down. He told Rachel, “matches are not made on earth – they are made in heaven. When I was a young boy, I had a vision of the person I was to marry. She was beautiful and generous… and her leg was severely damaged.”

Rachel started to object, but Chaim continued, “I didn’t want such pain to come to my future bride, so I fasted and prayed with all my heart that I would be the one to receive this fate and when my accident happened, I knew my prayers were answered.”

Only now could Rachel look past the disability and see a person - a wise, compassionate human being who had the understanding to look past her moment of ugliness. Out of all the weddings anyone had experienced, Chaim and Rachel’s was the most loving, the most joyous.

While I like aspects of the story, it’s still hard for me. I would have much preferred for Rachel to see Chaim as a person from the beginning. I would have preferred for Chaim to not feel he had to rescue Rachel. At the same time, I appreciate the honestly. Sometimes, people are prejudiced. It can happen to anyone and maybe even everyone. And often times, all we need is a small shift in perspective to help us recognize the full human being that is before us. That’s why we need the reminder:

אַל תִּסְתַּכֵּל בַּקַּנְקַן, אֶלָּא בְמַה שֶּׁיֶּשׁ בּוֹ

“don’t look at the container, but at that which is in it.”

Shabbat Shalom!