Sermons & Stories

L’shana Tova!

This morning’s Torah portion mentions that Hagar finds herself bamidbar – in the wilderness. There was no warning. Her son Ishmael did something that Sarah didn’t like and they were cast out from their home. In the wilderness they wander. In the wilderness they despair. In the wilderness they are saved and begin life anew.

The wilderness is a brief, transforming episode for Hagar. The wilderness overwhelms the rest of the Torah. From the middle of Exodus to the end of Deuteronomy we are bamidbar. We survive the trauma of slavery only to be thrust into the unknown. In the wilderness we experience skepticism and lack of faith, along with fear, frailty, and vulnerability. Bamidbar – in the wilderness, mistakes have real and tragic consequences, yet every person can encounter the divine and healing, learning, and growth become possible. We are tested bamidbar and many times we fail. Through our trials and tribulations, we become a People in the wilderness.

We didn’t ask for slavery and we didn’t ask for the journey that followed. We just wanted to feel safe and secure. No one asks to suffer. Abuse, struggles with physical and mental health, discrimination, economic difficulty, failure, rejection. We don’t want it, we don’t hope for it – it happens. Such challenges are a part of life. And as we try to cope with life, we find ourselves in the wilderness.

At many points in Jewish history we’ve experienced destruction and wilderness. That’s only one reason why Torah remains so relevant to us today. What’s important to understand is that, yes - our times in the wilderness have been marked by challenge and hardship. They have also been marked by incredible creativity, evolution, and transformation.

After the destruction of the First Temple, we were in exile in Babylon. In exile, books like Ezekiel, parts of Isaiah, and Psalms were written – books that became cherished parts of our Bible. After the Second Temple was destroyed, the dynamic creativity of Rabbinic Judaism became Judaism. After the expulsion from Spain, the brilliance and beauty of Spanish Jewry was incorporated throughout the Ottoman Empire. We’re still trying to understand all the ways the Holocaust continues to impact our Judaism.  

Every occurrence of destruction and exile was devastating, unreal, a nightmare that would not end. And every occurrence saw those who survived making their way through an individual and communal wilderness, searching for safety and adapting to the new reality. This is the history of our People. This is the story that our Torah tells us each year. And this is what real people experience on different levels every day.

I usually find the Olympics exciting and entertaining for both the competition and for the personal stories. This year, you may or may not recall that Molly Seidel became only the third US woman to win a medal in the women’s marathon when she won bronze. I found her wilderness story inspiring.

Back in 2016 Seidel was twenty-two years old and the fastest women in the NCAA in the 10K. She was planning on competing in the US trials. She was about to sign a major sponsorship deal with a shoe company. And that’s when she checked into treatment for obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety, and disordered eating.

There were times when she thought her running career was over. With treatment focusing on mental health and her coach focusing on physical health, she transitioned from the 10K to qualify for the Olympics in the first marathon she ever raced. Then came COVID and the postponement of the Tokyo Games. She spoke openly about how she relied on therapy and the new techniques and resources she had been learning to help her through. She stressed that each day is a challenge. She wrote last year:

“I will never overcome my eating disorder. I still struggle: I relapse and I actively deal with the ups and downs that come with chronic OCD, depression and anxiety. It's not something that a nice tidy bow -- like the Olympic trials or even the Olympics -- can disguise.” https://www.espn.com/olympics/story/_/page/Going-September252020/how-olympic-marathoner-molly-seidel-found-way-run-again

Seidel points to the idea that even when we make it to the Promised Land, eventually there will be another wilderness. Success at the Olympics doesn’t take away the daily challenges, but the skills she gained during her time in the wilderness continue to help her cope during those struggles.

Two points – First - when she realized that she needed help, she got help. I can’t stress how important this is. During this COVID wilderness – or any wilderness we’re traveling through, we have known skepticism, fear, and vulnerability. Sometimes the challenges are too challenging. Sometimes it’s too much. We aren’t supposed to travel the wilderness alone. I know within our community we’ve continued to look for ways to support each other and care for each other and I know we will continue to strive to do so. CBI, therapist, family, friends… If you need help to make it through the wilderness, let’s get you help.

Second, Molly Seidel transformed from who she thought she was to who she is and incorporated new techniques and skills to help cope with her ongoing struggles. Our ancestors changed Judaism with new works and ideas multiple times. The wilderness is a struggle. It’s also a place for healing and learning, growth and transformation.

Dr. Betsy Stone, who has become a therapist for rabbis, offered workshops and writings about how to care for ourselves during the wilderness we’ve been in for the past eighteen months. She asks the question, how have we been changed by the experience of exile, loss, and mourning? What are the changes we are going to maintain? How will we keep what we have learned?

Over the past eighteen months family game nights were reintroduced or quality time with family was prioritized. Many made a point to reach out to family and friends and community members. Those calls remain lifelines in the midst of isolation and fear. Some have reconnected with Jewish learning, exploring podcasts or classes. It’s been a good time to start a new hobby or volunteer or devote more time to an important cause.

These are what Dr. Stone called COVID Keepers – the changes we made that we want to incorporate into our lives. They have helped us through the wilderness. They may have even helped us refocus our values and reprioritize how we spend our time. Dr. Stone explained that they are “a form of self-knowledge. If I know what matters to me, I know me better and self-knowledge is in many ways the psychological task of our lives.” In other words, in the wilderness we can find ourselves.

Our journey, bamidbar, through the wilderness will not leave us untouched. Just like so many who came before, we are all searching for safety and trying to adapt to our new reality. We feel the impact. To help guide us, we’ll hold on to the COVID Keepers and that which affirms and strengthens our values – as individuals and as a community. And when the challenges are too great, we’ll do all we can to offer love and support so we can make it through together.

L’shana Tova Tikateivu – may we be inscribed for a good year and a good journey that gets us through the wilderness and brings us closer together.

Gut Yuntiv!